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  • Tahanna Tucker

The Widow, The Mom and Her New Life

Updated: May 29, 2021

When tragedy strikes, you don't have time to think. You'd forget to breathe if your body didn't automatically know what to do. Your brain is trying to process everything around you, while you stand frozen. Frozen in a moment that you can't believe is real. You enter into a continuum of time, not knowing what's next, but understanding that life is still moving around you. Your heart skips a beat, then beats rapidly due to the adrenaline rush that accompanies your being when you receive the news, that someone near and dear to your heart has suddenly passed or is in a state that is irreversible.

This was me. I am the wife of Marcus Tucker. Marcus was killed by someone that knew nothing about his life. It was a senseless act of violence, but here I am today, beginning a new chapter of my life, hoping to empower others that have dealt with and will deal with a tragic loss. When my husband was killed, we had a 4 year old, 2 year old, 1 year old and I was 5 months pregnant. YES, you read that right. We loved kids and definitely said that the last one, was it!

No one can prepare you for that moment. Death is a reality to the living, but it is always too soon. In this moment, I went into autopilot. I had to shut out the noise. As much as everyone wanted to help, it was overwhelming. I pushed my feelings to the side and became numb to stay afloat. I had so many questions and thoughts.....the thought of being alone, finishing college, raising our children on my own, losing memories, being the head of the household and not being able to depend on my husband, was a very large pill to swallow. He was my friend, my biggest fan and the person that listened to me when no one else would. We were barely adults, trying to figure out life.

Grief has so many layers. We may or may not experience:

  • "Shock and denial"

  • "Pain and guilt"

  • "Anger and bargaining"

  • "Depression"

  • "The upward turn" - finding things to look forward to

  • "Reconstruction and working through"

  • "Acceptance and hope"

Some of us experience all of these and others of us, only experience a select few, but we are not limited to these feelings. It's ok to not experience any of these. The thought of the 5 stages of grief has been misconstrued over the years. You are not obligated to have these feelings, we all deal with grief differently, with each person it is different. One thing I have learned over the years is to allow people to grieve in their own way. There isn't a right or wrong way to grieve, as long as you stay healthy, and don't allow certain stages of grief to overwhelm you. There is no time frame on how long you can and/or will experience each stage, so don't let anyone tell you anything different. I encourage you to find your path. The road will have many obstacles, but every day that we live is another day for us to inspire, create, empower, encourage and tell our stories of triumph in the midst of our tragedy.

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